plOt Of InSaNiTy!
by The Lantern
Summary: Crack! Many many many odd, weird, psychotic, things. Not to be taken seriously.


**Disclaimer: don't own dn angel (Or anything else!)**

One rainy day Dark was trudging through the rain, after have been rejected by a hysterically laughing homicidal maniac named Krad Hikari.)

Dark: I hate my life! (Continues trudging solemnly.)

Wizu: Kyu! (Agree's that he hates Dark's life.)

Dark: I really hate my -HOLY SHIZZLES! - (Is cut off when suddenly a Blond maniac barges in, shooting at everything in his path.)

Mello: Move biotch! (Scrambles through the muck into a random hut.)

Dark: OMFG! He killed WIZU! (Points at twitching carcass.)

Light: DIE YOU STUPID CHOCOLATE OBSESSED FREAK! (Proceeds to stomp over the mourning thief and into the hut.)

Dark: X.X (Lays in the muck unmovingly.)

* * *

**(In the hut.)**

* * *

Light: GIVE ME BACK MY DIARY-uh I mean, uh- DEATHNOTE! (Straightens his lotia skirt and wig which was barrowed from Misa to confuse Ryuk enough to make him not kill him.)

Mello: (Stops and glances at the cross-dressing male.) Pfft, heck no. (Rolls eyes and starts for a mysterious stairwell.)

Light: I-HOW DARE YOU IGNORE YOUR GOD! (Runs after cackling blonde.)

* * *

**(Outside with the unconscious Mousy.)**

* * *

Krad: Wtf? I was supposed to kill you damn it! (Kicks Mousy.) Why don't you ever listen to me! (Kicks him harder.) For Satoshi's-sakes, how hard is it to let me kill you Huh?! (Snarls and shoves mud in thief's face.)

(Suddenly Naraku appears)

Naraku: Sound's like a personal problem to me.

Krad: STFU! (Throws energy ball at him.)

Naraku: (puts hands up in a gesture of peace) Now, now, Miss –

Krad: (gasps like a fan girl and stomps his foot) I am a male!

Naraku: Perhaps you should take Therapy Miss (puts on glasses and sits Krad down on a recliner) Now tell me, why do you think you are a male?

Krad: (sniffles and readjusts ponytail)

Dark: (pokes the eye on Naraku's hand. And squeals) It blinked!

Naraku: Don't pokey dah hand!

Krad: I'm in need of a makeover! (rushes into the hut)

* * *

**(In the Hut)**

* * *

Mello: (turns around from stairwell and lunges at Light)

Light: RAPIST!

Mello: (sits on Light and flips through Death note)

Light: GTFO!

Mello: STFU!

Krad: (bursts into the hut and trips over Mello)

Mello: PEDOPHILE! I'M BEING MOLESTED!!!

Krad: I'm not a pedophile! (spots Death note and grabs it)

Mello: No! Get your pedophile-iftic hands off of that!

Krad: (holds it out of reach) Hehe, a book of Death!

Light: (from the bottom of the pile) Get the hell off of me!

Krad: Bwahahahaha, I can finally kill –

(Dark and Naraku burst through the door of the hut and collide into Mello Light and Krad)

Mello: GAH I'M BEING RAPED! (looks around to see Dark eating his chocolate) GAH I'M BEING RAPED AND THE PEDO IS EATING MY CHOCLATE!

Dark: I'm not a pedo (points at Krad) that's the pedo, I'm just his molester!

Krad: (lunges at Dark and the two angels tumble down the stairwell)

Mello: AH MY CHOCLATE!

Light: AH MY DEATH NOTE!

(Kira and the maniacal blonde start down the stairwell, leaving Naraku standing there.)

Naraku: WAIT THAT BLONDE OWES ME $75 FOR THE SESSION! (starts down stairwell)

* * *

**(At bottom of the stairwell)**

* * *

(a hammer bangs) Sarah (Your Blackened Wings): This is the start of project to take over the world.

Jess (The Lantern): *Cough* Destroy *Cough*

Dark in the distance: Krad, I don't go that way!

Krad in the distance: Well Dark, I thought you'd like this!

Dark: Not if we're freaking tumbling down a flight of stairs!

Krad: Don't lie, you'd do it anywhere!

Sarah: …Are they doing what I think they are doing?

Jess: Hopefully! (Goes into yaoi fangirl mode.)

(**SMASH!)**

Krad: (pulls out paper) Ah you ruined my Sudoku book!

Dark: Well if you hadn't tried to make me write with my foot, if wouldn't have had to break it!

Krad: You owe me a new one!

Dark: Bite me Blondie! (looks up stairwell)

(**SMASH –again)  
**  
Mello: The pedos!

Light: (readjusts skirt because panties are showing) Give me back my Death Note!

Krad: (primps hair) Never!

Sarah: (bangs hammer) Order! This is a closed session!

**(SMASH!)**

Naraku: (points finger at Krad) You owe me 75 dollars biotch!

Krad: (throws energy ball of DOOM at Naraku) NEVER!

Mello: (tackles Dark) YOU ATE MY RUSSIAN CHOCLATE!

Sarah: Care to help me out, Sesshoumaru?

Sesshoumaru: No.

Sarah: …

* * *

**(Later, Down in the dank, dark....Bar?)**

* * *

Krad: Oh! Alcohol! (Hops over the serving table to snatch a bottle of alcohol.)

Naraku: Miss, it's not very lady-like to -oh, oh my- (Covers nose bleed as Krad starts to strip, down to his tight white skinny jeans.)

Krad: See, I'm not a girl! (Quirks hip and flips hair as he drinks from a vodka bottle.) And you ain't getting your Note-book thingy back! (Giggles as his world begins to sway.)

Dark: Holy-shizzles! Is that what I think it is! (points at the suspicious string that peers over the edge of Krad's low-rise pants.)

Krad: No! Whaitsha' secondsh I wash sposh ta' kiwl yoush! (The tipsy blond begins to search through his pile of clothes.) Wheresh I putsh thatsh thingsh? (Collapses dizzily onto the said pile of clothes.)

Light: Bwahahahaha! I have it! I will always be better than you and your stupid bunny ears! (Does victory dance.)

Mello/Dark/Naraku:?????????

Krad: Osh! Ares yoush the chick whosh stolsh mysh eyeshadowsh from thatsh onesh placesh? (Drunken slur gets even worse.)

Light: ...No, that was fluffy, (Points at Sesshoumaru who is patiently sitting in the emo corner.)

Naraku: Sesshoumaru! (jumps back in horror as Sessy stands up, cracking his whip.)

Sesshoumaru: This Sesshoumaru did no such thing! (Gets all up in the drunk blonde's face.)

Krad: YESH YOUSH DIDSH YOUSH STOLESH YOUSH A LI-ah! (Stumbles to his feet to whack fluffy with his empty bottle.)

Sesshoumaru: OMG! You broke my freaking nail! I'm going to kill you! (Lunges at scowling KRAD.)

Krad: Bring it on Biotch! (Whips out his sword.)

Light: WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE AND IGNORING YOUR GOD! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU! (Starts writing in death note.) Okay, so it's S-E-S-H-O-M-R-U. (Continues to try to figure out how to spell their names.)

Dark: (sits on Mello)

Mello: Get off of me you pedophile!

Dark: I'm babysitting!

Mello: I'M NOT A BABY YOU BIOTCH!

Dark: Fine I'm kid sitting.

Mello: I'M NOT A KID!

Dark: Then what the hell are you?!

Mello: I'm a transformer! (turns into a fire truck and zooms away from underneath Dark)

Krad: (jumps on top of Sesshoumaru) I call being seme!

Sesshoumaru: (scowls)

Dark: Kraddie is a rapist~ Kraddie is a rapist!

Sarah: Thank god you're here!

Jess: (sees Krad undressing Sesshoumaru) Thank god I stopped getting nosebleeds!

Sarah: *covers nose* Yeah, I'm not so lucky. (rushes to bathroom)

Light: Na…Nar…Ak-ku? Narrakku!

Naraku: (pimp slaps Light) It's Naraku!

Light: (writes down name) I AM THE ALL MIGHTY KIRA! YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO PIMP SLAP YOUR GOD!

Naraku: I – (convulses) Oh my god…What's happening?!

Light: (laughs) You are going to die!

Naraku: (convulses and goes limp)

Light: MUHAHAHA I AM GOD I – (watches in horror as Naraku starts dancing)

Naraku: Dun duna dun! It's hammer time!

Mello: (transform back into the short blonde again) Why the fuck is everyone so damn tall?!

Near: (pops up from a nearby pickle barrel) Because they are adults while we are still mere children my dear Mello.

Mello: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE?!

Near: Watari requested me to keep an eye on you. (reaches back into Barrel and pulls out Gin from Bleach, smiling that weird smile of his)

Gin: Mornin'

Mello: It's the afternoon!

Krad: (looks up from Sesshoumaru) OMG OPERA'S ON! (climbs off of Sesshoumaru and clambers over to the T.V in a drunken stage)

Mello: IT'S THE GHOST OF MICHAEL JACKSON!

Near: (cowers behind Gin) Kill him or something! You used to be a soul reaper right?

(Ghost of Michael Jackson high-fives Gin, but hand passes right through)

MJ: Yo home slice! I see you got fresh meat!

Gin: Yes I do, too bad you were killed off by Kira! You could have made it big with me!

Near: (whacks Gin over the head with the robot) DIE YOU PEDOPHILE!

Gin: (sinks back into Pickle Barrel)

Sarah: You think we should do something?

Jess: And risk getting our heads chopped off by a drunken Krad? Hahaha, no, I like my head where it is thank you.

Sarah: (shrugs)

Dark: (steals Death note)

Light: (readjusts skirt) AHHH GIVE THAT BACK!

Dark: (looks into the face of Ryuk) AHH THAT'S SCARIER THAN KRAD IN THE MORNING!

Krad: Heyish! (hiccups) I'm not onesh whosh doesh it on everyish surface he seesh with some ho!

Ryuk: Do you have any apples?

Dark: (runs away screaming)

Naraku: (dances the moonwalk)

Michael Jackson: I LIVE ON! (does moonwalk with Naraku)

Krad: (strips off his skinny jeans and conjures up a pole) I wants to go dancing!

Jess: (nosebleed) A drunken Krad is one thing, but a semi-naked Krad pole dancing is another!

Light: GIVE ME BACK MY DEATH NOTE!

Ryuk: There you are Light!

Light: …Oh Shitake mushrooms!

Mello and Near: PEDOPHILES!

Sesshoumaru: THAT BLONDE BIOTCH STOLE MY WHIP!

Krad: (stops pole dancing and tosses whip at Mello) He did it (points at Mello and continues dancing)

Dark: (jumps onto the couch ands flips on Jerry Springer) Hahaha, Kraddie! This chick looks like you!

Krad: (looks at T.V) I'm notsh a girl! (prepares to move last article of clothing)

(**Dramatic Pause)**

Krad: Wait a sec. (Pauses and then straightens.) I feel...sober. (Sighs then crosses hands over his chest.) Where the heck are my clothes?

Ryuk: Damn! I thought I was gonna see something better than apples! (Whines like a skinned puppy.)

Krad: You might very well see something better then apples, and that is called (Jumps off the pole with a feline grace) Your blood (Cuts off Ryuk's arm and watches impassively as he bleeds.) Idiot. (Proceeds to stalk over to Sesshoumaru.) Were you at the long-hair convention for villains last year? (Tilts head politely.)

Sess: Yes (Slings an arm around Krad's shoulder as the walk over to the Evil corner of DOOM.) You were the one that got in that fist fight with Youko right?

Krad: You mean that freak who put dirt in my hair? (Twitches at the memory.) -Actually it was a rose, but this is Krad and he is oblivious to all flirtatious gestures.-

Sess: Don't worry; I've got a way to get him back. You know the half-breed who always attempts to fight me? And his wench?

Krad: That brat, yes he's worse that the Niwa kid, and that's bad, not to mention the Harada girl. (Shudders in disgust as they sit across from each other, in a classical lounge setting.)

Sess: Yeah, well now my brother looks up to him, because I told him he irritates me, and has completely and utterly gone cosplay, pretending he's Youko, and his little wench is attempting to pull off KURONUE! (Snickers evilly.)

Krad: -le gasp- No way! (Has Spazz attack)

Sess: Like yes way! (Grin.)

Krad: OMFG! (laughs hysterically.)

Light: (After watching Ryuk bleed to death.) I'm Invincibles! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH  
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA! (Faints from lack of oxygen.)

Dark: KRADDY-KINS HIDE ME! HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME! (Cowers behind Krad as Mello points a gun at him threateningly.)

Krad: Hehe Hehe-Wait What. (Suddenly stops laughing.) Who the ** do you think you are brat, his ** is mine! (Stands up and towers over Mello.)

Mello: He stole my ** chocolate! (Glares a Dark.)

Krad: Mousy... (Holds at hand expectantly.)

Dark: .... (Makes a break for the door.) RUN RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN YOU CAN'T CATCH ME I'M-(Is shot to death by Krad's energy balls of DOOM.)

Krad: -a dead man. (Pries chocolate from Dark's twitching grasp, and then proceeds to eat it in front of the gaping Mello.)

Light: Like dude you totally have to teach me how to do that! (Glomps Krad's arm.)

Mello: You-You ARGGGH! (stomps into the emo corner of DEATH.) I WILL GET MY REVENGE YOU HERE ME YOU FREAKISHLY TALL FREAK! REVENGE!

Krad: Foolish mortals. (brushes Light away like he's scum.) You make me bored.

Sess: How about we destroy the world? (Starts to brush out Krad's hair like a fawning mother.)

Krad: No, that's my job. (Glare of INSANITY!)

Sess: Just a suggestion dearest. (Ignores glare of INSANITY!)

Light: Wanna take over the world with my Diary -uh, I mean, well- DEATHNOTE OF DEATH!

Krad: (Sighs as though he's bored and speaking to a toddler.) I suppose.

Sesshoumaru: But we should speak to those children over there (glares at the two girls)

Krad: (walks over to Sarah and Jess)

Sarah: I'm rather bored (pokes Krad in the stomach)

Jess: Agreed (pokes Sesshoumaru in the cheek)

Krad: *forms energy ball* DIE HUMANS!

Sesshoumaru: (pulls out whip) NO ONE CAN TOUCH MY MAN!

Krad: (turns to Sesshoumaru*) Dude, I'm straight.

Sesshoumaru: ....So?

Sarah: Hadn't seen that one coming, Dog-boy's gay!

Jess: I saw it; I mean anyone with half a brain could have foreseen it.

Sarah: (unfortunately does not have a brain) Err…Duh?

Krad: (shoots Evil lightening sphere of Fire at Sarah and Jess)

Ghost of Michael Jackson: (sphere of fire hits pickle barrel) NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ghost of Gin: CRAP!! Now I'm dead.

Near: (slams robot into the side of Krad's head)

Mello: DAMN YOU ALBINO! HE'S MINE TO KILL!

Sesshoumaru: (pushes Mello over and sits on him) You will NOT touch my Krad!

Sarah: Is it odd they go from nearly killing each other to then wanting to be with each other? (sips on a juice box)

Jess: 'Pose not. But Sesshoumaru wants Krad, Krad wants us dead. Two different things.

Sarah: True, true! Hey look – Light is talking to himself!

Light: She's doing what? That crazy Misa! Why aren't you trying to stop her?

Light: (nods nods) You smelled bloodshed…That's a poor excuse.

Ghost of Ryuk: DEATH-GOD DAMN IT!

Ghost of Gin: Welcome to the Ghost Club! I am your Ghost Host, Gin!

Ghost of Michael Jackson: And I am the Ghost co-host, Michael Jackson!

Ghost of Ryuk: So this is Hell… (tries to face-palm, but palm goes through his transparent head)

Dark: (comes back alive and Glomps a bottle of Liquid X) If I drink this, I will become a Powerpuff Girl! (drinks bottle down greedily)

Sesshoumaru: (combs out Mello's hair) Petty petty little boy…You must brush your hair more often.

Mello: GET THE HELL OFF OF ME YOU SIX-FOOT FOUR DEMON PEDOPHILE!

Naraku: (drags Light into a nearby closet and locks the door behind him, where screams are heard)

Light: No, no, no! Ah – I don't swing that way - AHHH!

Dark: (passes out)

Ghost of Ryuk: OMDG! GHOST APPLES! (grabs Ghost apple)

Krad: (finds self handcuffed with fuzzy pink handcuffs on his wrists – and still semi-naked) …WTF…DARK!

Dark: (jumps up) I AM AN ALMIGHTY POWERPUFF GIRL!

Sesshoumaru: (pets Krad's hair lovingly)

Krad: GAH PEDO!

Sesshoumaru: (shakes head) I am not a pedo, that's you my dearest. (drags Krad towards the closet where Naraku and Light are)

Sesshoumaru: (jiggles doorknob to see it's locked) Locked… Hold on my pet! (hands glow a weird green and punches a hole through the door)

Krad: (dodges piece of melting door) NOT THE FACE DAMN IT! I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR IT!

Sesshoumaru: Yes, yes I – (sees Naraku and Light in a rather embarrassing position that was rather explicative and if posted, those posters would be most likely banned)

Naraku: (coughs)

Dark: (starts flying around the room with arms out in front of him) Dun da dun! SUPERMAN!

(Mello steps out in front of Dark all dressed in green)

Mello: I'm kryptonite biotch, so fock off!

Near: (is kidnapped by the Ghost of Gin and Michael Jackson) HELP ME MELLO!

Mello: No way biotch, with you out of the way, I'm next in line to become_ L!_

Dark: Ha-ha. Mello rhymes with Jell-o, and Jell-o's made of collagen, which is found in bones of Pigs and Horse Hoofs!

Mello: (stalks back to Emo corner and stabs a voodoo doll of Near)

Near: GOD –

Ghost of Ryuk: You mean, 'Death God'

Near: Fine...DEATH GOD DAMN YOU MELLO!

Krad: (is dragged into the bathroom with Sesshoumaru) Help me!

Dark: I MUST SAVE KRADDIE-KINS!  
(But is stopped by two people: Satoshi and L)

Satoshi: (pushes glasses up nose) Let Kraddie have this Dark.

L: The suspicion of that blonde being Kira has a percent over 35%

Dark: Well –

(**BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!)**

Krad: Stupid fan boy. (Steps over Sesshoumaru's carcass.) Satoshi-sama, because you are my everything I will give you to the count of three until I hunt down your Niwa and kill him. (Drop dead serious stare.)

Dark: HEY! NOT MY TAMER! (Panics as Krad gives him a patronizing look.)

Krad: Shut up and fetch my cappuccino Mousy.

Dark: Yes M'am! (Scampers off to the doorway.)

Jess: ...Exit denied. (Doors slam shut on Dark.)

Krad: ....I want a FUCKING cappuccino, and with each hour that passes I will kill another bishie hostage....unless you give me a cappuccino now.

Jess: ...Request denied.

Krad: Alright, Albino brat, you die first. (Pulls back hand and forms energy ball, all while looking impassive.)

Mello: Hey! I'm the one to kill him! (Hangs off of older blonde's hand until Krad lowers it.)

Light: Actually I killed him, because I'M YOUR GOD! MWHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

L: ...The chances of Light-kun being clinically insane have risen by 20 percent. (Scratches head as Light does victory dance.)

Krad: ... (Watching Mello attempt to kill the now helpless yet still sarcastic Near.) You suck at this, if you want to kill him slowly, just look him in the bathroom with Satoshi-sama -No offense to Satoshi-sama- He'll die of boredom.

Sarah: That's right (sips cappuccino)

Krad: GIVE ME THAT CAPINCUNO!

Sarah: SCREW YOU!

Krad: No thank you! I have Dark to do that!

L: Chance that Krad will kill us all has increased, it is now 99.9%

Sarah: I have no comment (sips cappuccino)

Mello: (tries to stab Near) DIE YOU BIG HEADED TWIT!!

Near: (bashes Mello's head in with robot) DIE!

Ghost of Gin: (drags Near back into secluded corner of lust)

Satoshi: (slams door on Krad's ponytail) TAKE THAT BLONDIE!

Krad: GAH (tugs on ponytail but soon regrets it) GET BACK HERE SATOSHI-SAMA!

Light: (opens Death note)

L: (points the finger at Light) HAHA! I knew all along you were indeed Kira!

Light: …Crap… (readjusts skirt and sprints towards the doorway)

Jess: Exit denied

Light: MOVE IT!

Jess: Unless you want me to kick you where the sun doesn't shine, then go the hell away!

Light: Someone's got their monthly problem~

Jess: (proceeds to kick Light in the pebbles then glares up at L who scampers away)

Sarah: I think you broke him.

Satoshi: (pokes Light)

Naraku: HAHAHA NEW VICTIM! (grabs Satoshi and pulls him into the bathroom)

Dark: (Twitches and runs after them) NO DON'T STEAL WONDER WOMAN!

Krad: Satoshi-sama, stop fooling around with the octopus and help me!

Ghost of Gin: Good little Albino! (pets head)

Near: (bites hand) STFU!

Ghost of Gin: How the hell is that possible?! I'm dead (watches hand as it bleeds)

Ghost of Michael Jackson: Dunno, but if he can bite, he can suck!

Near: Death-god damn it! I'm not GAY!

Krad: (opens the door and releases ponytail) SATOSHI-SAMA! YOU HAVE THE COUNT OF FIVE TO GET YOUR BUTT BACK – Hey, I see a 152! (goes back over to bar)

Sarah: (slaps away Krad's hand) This is mine, biotch!

Krad: You're underage!

Sarah: (waggles finger and rips away skin to reveal Risa Harada)

Risa: HAHAHA! I GOT YOU KRAD! (stabs Krad with a war sword) THIS IS FOR HURTING MY DARKY-POO!

Jess: We got a rabid fan girl here! (walks over to pantry and opens it where Sarah falls out)

Sarah: DEATH-GOD DAMN IT! SHE FREAKING JUMPED ME!

Jess: When?

Sarah: When Satoshi was dragged into the bathroom by Naraku!

Risa: (Glomps Dark)

Dark: GAH RISA!

Risa: I missed yew!

Dark: SAVE ME KRADDIE-KINS!

Krad: (is too busy bleeding to death to save anyone – especially Dark)

Mello: (sets off another explosion) DIE L! DIE!

L: (ducks under the table)

(Explosion blows up the bathroom wall)

Sarah: YOU GUYS ARE PAYING FOR THAT!

Krad: (grabs vodka with last ounce of strength)

Sesshoumaru: I WILL NEVER DIE! (Glomps Krad) YOU ARE MINE KRAD!

L: 96.5 Percent says that Mello will commit murder in cold blood!

Satoshi: *runs back into the room half naked* I'VE BEEN VIOLATED!

Ghost of Wiz: KYUU!

Ghost of Gin: AHH IT'S A GHOST! (drops Near and flees for his undead life)

Dark: (is now dressed in Kagome cosplay) SAVE ME INUYASHA! SAVE ME!

Sesshoumaru: Oh no.

Sarah: Oh no.

Jess: Oh no.

L: Oh no.

Naraku: Oh no.

Satoshi: Oh no.

Krad: Oh no.

Near: Oh no

Mello: OH NO!

**(CRASH!)**

A giant guy in a glass cool-aid jug with a painted on face crashes through the wall.

Cool-Aid guy: OH YEAH!

Krad: STFU! (Continues to bleed to death.) DIE! (Kills kool-aid dude)

Sess: I will save you my lovely b!tch! (Takes out Tensiga-or whatever his sword of life is  
called- and kills little demons.

Krad: Damn it! Why don't you let me die! I could have taken over Hell; I could have killed you all! Why! CAPPUCINNO WHY! (Has a mental breakdown.)

Sessy: I shall fulfill your needs love! (Attempts to molest twitching Blond.)

Dark: WTF! He's my victim you fleabag! (Gnaws on Sessy's Fluffy thingy.)

Risa: Stay still and let me rape you! (Clings to his waist until Krad finally comes out of his trance and grabs her throat.)

Krad: This is for my Cappuccino you little biotch! (Snaps her neck.)Who's next? (Turns to cowering inhabitants of the basement/bar.)

Mello: DIE! (Launches at Krad with an explosive.)

Krad: Fool (Picks struggling Blond up by his hair) If you're so sexy, you have to have poise when you kill someone or break their soul, like this. (Sets Mello down and Saunters over to  
Satoshi.) Oh Satoshi-sama?

Sato: .... (Still shaking from his earlier rape.) TENTACLES!

Krad: Why I'm so sorry it had to come to this, but my dearest, you are now being put down.

Sato: Are-Are you dumping me? (Starts to cry.)

Krad: Yes, but don't worry, it's me not you. (Sexy smirk as he ruffles Satoshi's hair.)

Sato: ....This is you guy's fault isn't it! You stole him from me! (Starts to tear out his hair as he gazes psychotically at Sess, Naraku, and Dark.) I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! (Launches himself at Naraku as Dark and Sess continue fighting each other.)

* * *

Jess: With Mello and Krad on the other side of the room.

* * *

Krad: And that's how it's done.

Mello: (Thoughtful stare.)...You think you could show me how to do that?

Krad: Of course but as a warning, do not attempt to surpass me, it will result in immediate  
termination, which would be a shame, but I am willing to sacrifice this for the sake of a successor.

L: What about me?

Mello: No one cares about you! You do-gooder! (Throws explosive in his direction.)

Krad: Ah, fun. (Insert satisfied grin.)

* * *

Jess: With the others.

* * *

Naraku: Now Mister, I see you are in need of counseling perhaps we could sit down and have a chat? (Cowers behind large couch as Satoshi sniffles, his emo eyeliner running down his face, which mixes with the blood from his victims which lay in a pile on the floor.)

Satoshi: (Sniffle) O-okay.

Naraku: (Whips on glasses from earlier.)Alright start where you want.

Satoshi: It all began when I was two and a half and Krad dropped me on my head....

Krad: (sees Naraku with Satoshi) GOD DAMN IT ALL YOU STUPID FOOL!

Satoshi: (wipes eye) I feel a lot better now...Thanks!

Naraku: That's good. Now (whips off disguise) TIME FOR YOUR SECOND VIOLATION!

Satoshi: CRAZY OCTUPUS DUDE! (Attempts to flee but is bound and gagged and dragged towards the wardrobe)

Sarah: Do you think we should do something?

Jess: No. If we did, this fanfic would end and all the captives would go free and our plans of world domination would never succeed! Besides, this is the only way we can avoid cleaning out rooms.

Mello: (stabs light and puts on his loita skirt and wig) NOW I WILL FOOL ALL INTO THINKING I AM KIRA!!!  
(saunters over to L who is poking Risa's dead body)

Mello: Hello L, I am Kira and I -

L: STFU Mello, I'm in the middle of poking a dead body!

* * *

**(In the den)**  
Sesshoumaru: (straddles Krad who is chained to a wall)

* * *

Krad: GOD DAMN IT! (attempts to kick Sesshoumaru)

Sesshoumaru: Awww my pet (caresses cheek) How bout I shut the door? (slams door and begins to start things that are rather left unsaid)

Dark: Inuyasha!!!! (Lets out a scream and runs around in circles)

Ghost of Gin: Will someone please shut him the fruck up?

Ghost of Ryuk: APPLES!

Near: Oh say can you see the star...Something something, something!

Sarah: (shoves an apple down his throat) HAHAAHA YOU CAN'T SING!

Near: (sees Ryuk flying towards him and flees) AHH!

Ghost of Ryuk: APPLES!

Krad: (escapes Sesshoumaru) SAVE ME AUTHORESSES!

Jess: Nope.

Sarah: We don't swing that way! (giggles sadistically)

Sesshoumaru: (runs out of the room half naked with a tube of strawberry lubricant) NO COME BACK MY LOVELY PET!!!

Sarah and Jess: *nosebleeds*

Krad: (hides behind Dark who is still in Kagome cosplay) Save me you stupid thief!

Kagome...I mean Dark, yes Dark: INUYASHA!!!!

**(CRASH!)**

Sesshoumaru: GOD -

Ghost of Ryuk: Death god.

Sesshoumaru: Sorry - Death-god Damn it!

(dust clears to see a very annoyed off Inuyasha)

Inuyasha: WTF did you do Ka...Wait, when did you get so manly?!

Dark: (giggles and pulls off costume, revealing....)

A naked Dark.

Sarah: GAH PUT SOME FREAKING CLOTHES ON!

Jess: Blackmail! (Snaps pictures for later use.)

Inuyasha: (strides over arrogantly to a pile of toys and finds chocolate) I found Ninja food! (starts to eat said-chocolate)

Mello: (watches in horror as Inuyasha eats his secret supply of chocolate) YOUR EATING MY CHOCLATE! CHOOOOOOOOOOOOCLATE! (knees Inuyasha in the stomach and saves the rest of his chocolate)

Krad: GO AWAY SESSHOUMARU!

Sesshoumaru: (rubs lubricant all over Krad and then pimp slaps him) Don't talk to me that way you filthy prostitute!

(**CRASH!)**

A towel made of weird stuff flipped out of no where and started to beat Krad. Out of the mist appeared...The SHAMWOW GUY!

Sarah: Damn it all! This is supposed to be an evil meeting to plot World dominination!

Jess: Heh, I'm enjoying myself aren't you? This is giving me many new ideas for FFNet!

Naraku: (runs out of the bathroom naked and falls over Inuyasha)

Krad: Yesh! (Suddenly finds his previously missing clothes on the floor.)

Sess: NO! (Steals said clothes.)

Krad: .... (Begins to cry hopelessly.)

Sess: This Sesshoumaru shall...comfort you? (Krad's sobs get harder and he runs over to Inuyasha.)

Krad: YOUKO SAVE ME! (Clings to confused Inu.)

Inu: Who the hell is-

Youko: Whoa, orgy moment anyone! (Saunters in past Authoresses who are on the floor laughing so hard that imaginary Milk is spurting out of their noses and whips Krad into his arms)

Dark: who the hell are you? (Glares jealously.)

Youko: Some one taller than you. (Smirks.)

Kuronue: Don't mind him love, he's just an ego-maniac. (Glomps the naked Dark then sets him in his lap.)

Youko: ANYONE UP FOR A FOURSOME? (Kisses Krad seductively.)

Krad: Whatever, just don't put dirt in my hair again, and keep that dude away from me! (Krad points at Sesshoumaru who whines like a kicked puppy.)

Kuronue: So what happened here?

Mello: OH! I WANNA ANSWER PICK ME! (Jumps up and down flashing his bright pink Near fan girl panties at everyone.)

Kuro: Okay (Scans room for any other willing responders.) The kid with the funky dress.

Mello: ...Well....

* * *

(**Ten Minutes Later…)**

* * *

Kuro: (glares at Sarah and Jess) You're keeping all of us locked in a basement/bar just so you guys can dominate the world?

Sarah: Well duh, we were bored and had nothing else to do. (sips cappuccino)

Jess: Besides... (shifts from foot to foot) We kind of locked ourselves in...Hehehe...

Krad: (lunges out of Youko's arms and towards Sarah who is sipping her cappuccino in an angsty moment) GIVE ME THAT CAPPIUCINO!

Sarah: NEVER!

Youko: COME BACK MY LOVE! (gives chase to Krad)

Kuro: Idiots. (gropes Dark's left thigh) Let's start without them!

Risa: (lunges at Kuro) DON'T TOUCH MY DARKY-POO!

Kuro: AHH FAN GIRL!!! (grabs bar of soap and rubs himself all over) AHH I CAN'T GET CLEAN!

Krad: I WANT THAT CAPPIUCINO! (points to the Tim Horton's Cappuccino in Sarah's hand)

Youko: (pets Krad) I'll get it for you. (strides over to Sarah) Hello Miss, your looking quite fine today, may -

Sarah: (pours scalding hot cappuccino over Youko's head) EAT THAT BIOTCH! (runs off manically)

Krad: (picks up Cappuccino cup and sobs hysterically) NO-NO-NO! IT DE-DE-DIED SO YOUNG! (sobs uncontrollably and breaksdown)

Satoshi: *stabs Naraku repeatedly with a broken vodka bottle* Die! You ruined my childhood!

Naraku: *looks up at Satoshi, unaware that he is now bleeding to death* Satoshi! Listen here! I AM YOUR FATHER!

Sato: No! That is impossible!

Naraku: It is true... *dies in Satoshi's hands*

Satoshi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FATHER! WE COULD HAVE ANGSTED SO MUCH TOGETHER!

Youko: (pulls Risa off of Kuro and rubs hands together) It's time for that foursome now!

Kuro: (jumps up) GOOD! (grabs Dark and skips to the Bedroom, which still has been unused this whole fanficiton because people seem to prefer STD invested bathrooms and closets rather than nice, clean bedrooms)

Youko: (carries Krad in bridal style and shuts the door behind them)

Sarah: (blinks)

Jess: (Blinks again.)

*Someone Knocks on the door*

Sarah: I'll get it! (Saunters over to door and breaks the lock on the door) Hello...? OMFG IT'S YOU! (Runs away screaming in terror)

* * *

**(In bedroom.)**  
Youko: Now for the strip tease! (Gazes pointedly at Krad is staring at him in an extremely odd way.)

* * *

Krad: (Sniffs deeply.) Cappuccino! (Latches onto Youko and begins to lick his cappuccino covered face.)

Dark: The hell! You only submit to me dangit! (Attempts to glomp Krad who growls at him.)

Youko: Ha! He likes me more than yo-OUCH! HE BIT ME! (Pushes Krad away in horror.)

Krad: CAPPUCINO! (Lunges at Youko.)

Kuro: It's Youko actually. (Pulls Dark away from possible scene of cannibalism.)

Kuro: (pulls Dark out of Bedroom)

Dark: DAMN! I want to see Krad eat that weirdo's face off!

Kuro: Your hanging out with the authoresses too much!

Dark: Speaking of authoresses... (looks away from Kuro to see Sarah and Jess cowering in fear)

Kuro: *(looks away from Dark to see...)

* * *

(**In the Bedroom)**

* * *

Youko: No Kraddie! No eating your Master's face!

Krad: (glares and then evil laughs) I have always been the seme! And that won't change tonight! (lunges at Youko who screams like a little girl and jumps out of the way) No my lovely Uke! Don't run away from me!

Youko: No! I don't want to be on bottom!

Krad: Too bad! (jumps on top of and licks face) Cappuccino...

Youko: AHH I'M BEING MOLESTED!

Krad: (shoves gag in his mouth and laughs) YOU ARE MINE! MWAHAHAHA!

Ghost of Gin: Good evil laugh. (claps)

Ghost of Michael Jackson: Quite thorough. I could feel shudders with that one...Or was that a pleasure of moment...?

Krad: (glares up at the ghosts) Go away. I'm in the middle of something.

Ghost of Gin: Jerk =0 (stomps...Err - floats away)

Ghost of Michael Jackson: (floats back through the wall after Gin)

(With the Authoresses)

Sarah: It's you!!!

Jess: I was sure I left you in the Congo!

The door opened up more to reveal a monster that only exists in children's nightmares!

**(Dun...Dun DUN!)**

It was Barney!

Dark: NO!! Evil DNIOSAUR! (Runs out the room only pausing when he saw Krad chasing Youko.) NO! MY KRADDY-UKE! (Turns around and runs after his victim.)

Youko: EVIL DINOSAIR DUDE! (Skids to a stop only to be glomped by Kraddy who is molested by dark.)

Kuro: What the hell? (Shrugs and jumps on the dog pile.)

Jess: I thought we locked the door? (Confused stare.)

Sarah: Seems not. (Kicks the door in anger)

Satoshi: MOMMY! (Hugs Barney.)Mommy I killed DADDY! (Points at Naraku's corpse.)

Sarah: So do you... (Turns back to Jess)…Want to get a cappuccino?

Jess: Ahh... (looks at the growing pile of guys)...Sure!

(Sarah and Jess leaves the bar/basement of doom, leaving the Angels, a fourteen year genius, an evil dinosaur, a dead Naraku and Risa and the ghosts of a death god, the king of pop, and a soul reaper behind. AND ALONE)

Dark: (looks up from Krad) Amah! They left!

Krad: (shoves Dark off of him and pulls out his vodka bottle) Time to party!

Barney: (saunters towards Dark and grabs the vodka bottle) Uh-uh, little boy, no alcohol for you~

Krad: (Gives Dinosaur Glare of death but he doesn't die) DIE ALREADY! (glares again)

Barney: (smiles that really creepy smile)

Krad: (sighs and grabs vodka bottle and drains it) TAKE THAT MOMMA'S BOY!

Barney: (Eyes twitches) WHAT DID YOU SAY, PUNK?! (pulls on the pimpin' fedora and pulls out a 9mm)

Krad: (gulps)

Naraku: (Glomps Barney) HONEY I'M HOME!

Sato: AHH MOMMY IT'S DADDY! (shivers and points at Naraku)

Sesshoumaru: (grabs Krad and pulls him into the closet and locks the door) MUHAHAHA! THIS IS FOR MY PAIN AND SUFFERING! (sounds of a chainsaw are heard)

Youko: (pushes Kuro off of him) MY KRAD! (grabs Mello who had fallen asleep) C'mon you stoopid lil' blonde! Help me save my bigger stoopid blonde!

Mello: I'M NOT SHORT DAMN IT! I'M FUN SIZED!

Near: (plays chess with L, who are rather happy they have faded into the background)

Mello: HELP ME YOU STUPID ALBINO! YOU SHOULD LOOK UP TO YOUR ELDERS AND NOT IGNORE THEM!

Near: (looks up at L) Did you say something?

L: (looks down at Near) No, I did not.

Near: Ah... (returns to chess game)

Mello: DEATH GOD DAMN – (is thrown into the closet with Sesshoumaru and Krad)

* * *

**(A couple hours later)**

* * *

Jess: That was a lot of fun I hope - (looks at the hut) HOLY MOLY IT'S ON FIRE!

Sarah: FIYAH!!!! (races towards fire)

Jess: Wait! Didn't we leave the door locked?!

Sarah: (silence)

Jess: (silence)

Sarah: (silence)

Jess: This is a rather angsty moment.

Sarah: Wanna go get another Cappuccino to celebrate it?

Jess: Sure. (Links arms with other authoress and skips off into a near by starbucks.)

_

* * *

_

**_Author's Note:_**

_**Jess:** This was spurned from a random roleplay with our musses,and a Crack-filled plot. ^^;_

_**Sarah:** This whole story has amused me greatly. I LOVE IT! *jumps up and down* Everyone REVIEW! Or I will make my captives come after you! Tee-Hee, I've loved working with Jess, she is very funny and always add humor to the awesome! If you review, we will add more! And always, more is better!_

_**Jess:** Thanx it was great working with you too! *Glomps*I'll be sure to reply to all reviews given, and our captives might even talk to you, if you ask them to! Buh-bye Minna-san! _

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